BiancaKallistaKimble

2009-12-30T05:52:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, 30th December 2009.

Painful.

I can't even find the words to begin.

I am fighting back tears as i bring myself to type this.

It hurts so much when i think about it.

It feels as if you've been slapped in the face real hard, like when you didn't see it coming.

My heart feels so heavy i don't know when i'll be able to pick myself back up again.

If i could turn back the hands of time, i would, if i knew it was going to be this hard, i wouldn't have allowed myself to venture into the unknown with you but i didn't say that i regret every moment spent with you.

Every moment spent with you was like nothing i'd ever imagine.

I felt cold when it was hot,

you never fail to put that smile on my face,

the way you looked at me until i have to force myself to look away because i feel so shy,

the way you said my name like no one else will,

the way you held me your arms which always made me feel so safe,

the way you'd stroke my hair ever so gently,

the way your lips would find my lips and we'd kiss, fast or slow, soft or hard, it was beautiful.

Did i ever tell you?

That i love kissing you?

Did i ever tell you that the butterflies you gave me never stopped?

Did i ever tell you that i hated it everytime you let my hands go?

Did i ever tell you that i love to make you smile?

I never told you that i named your smile, i call it the comfy smile because it was so darn adorable, makes me melt everytime.

My heart would race everytime we touched.

The way you would tell me stuff to comfort me.

The way you made me feel, i know they were real.

I don't know anybody else would have called it, but i know that definitely its something real.

The things that happened between us were special, you made me feel so very loved.

I can never bring myself to hate you because all the memories i have of you are happy.

You are going to be hard to forget but i know that this is going to make me a stronger person.

Whatever it is, only time will tell.

2009-11-17T12:37:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, 18th November 2009

4.50am, on my bed, half sleeping.

What do you think?

You are completely dumbfounded.

You keep thinking, what is going on?

More than half the time,

you dont even know what's going on because you are so distracted!

You need someone to scream,

EARTH TO BIANCA!!

When you are off day dreaming,

you smile to yourself because of those thoughts,

then when you realize it,

you feel stupid.

You keep thinking back,

did that really happened?!

and when you pinch yourself to check,

you get butterflies all over your body,

it doesn't even stop at your tummy!

And when you're there,

just looking into those eyes,

you feel an intensity so fierce that you have to force yourself to look away.

Sometimes,

you forget to breath,

your legs feel like jelly when you walk away.

Honestly,

these feelings scare you because you don't get them happenning to you.

Is it real,

you question.

Better not risk it just yet,

go with the flow,

the pieces will slowly fit.

What would you call this feeling?

When i get there,

i'll tell you.

2009-10-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 14th October 2009

12.13a.m, on my bed;

You know it;

It's been a good few months that we have all known each other and look at how thing's have turned out?

Every body's true colours are emerging and it's causing a lot of petty unnecessary problems. Sadly,

i have fallen prey to these problems.

As a group,

one would pretty much be dragged in somehow.

I want to be strong enough to just turn a blind eye to them but it's deeming hard.

Everybody sees things their own way and when something goes amiss,

they start to talk.

Some times,

friends,

they don't know that they have crossed certain boundaries that we've set.

I mean,

if anyone were to put a toe across the line once or twice,

it's forgivable.

But to continuously step across even after countless times of being reprimanded,

that's annoying and stupid.

If people are going think that just because of one or two mistakes that a person made is not going to make me forgive them,

you're wrong because I've already forgiven but honestly,

i have not forgotten.

Facades;

People put them on all the time.

You can never truly understand how a person feels inside.

We are all living Pinocchio's' without our noses growing.

Every body has a mask on but what is really beyond that mask?

Only the person who is wearing the mask will ever know,

only i will know how i feel inside.

I think that everybody is an emotional train wreck,

especially being a teenager.

It's the choices or decisions we make that lead us to our desired outcomes.

We can't really blame anyone but ourselves for making that choice because ultimately,

we chose it.

I hate feeling weak and defeated about myself.

It's really unhealthy but i cant help it.

I just want to have a good cry and let go of things i have dwelled on for unnecessarily.

Then again, i am only human.

I've hidden too much that i don't know where to dig.

I don't know how much i can pretend anymore.

Every single day,

I am lying to myself and to every body else.

I mean, how much can one handle from the little problems that add up little by little?

XOXO;

Sorry Jasmine, i'm sucha klutz. stupid milo!

Damn, i am feeling something.

Do you feel it too?

2009-10-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 11th October 2009

3.39am, on my bed.

Sat-ur-day

I didn't go for jalan raya today, quite bummed out about it.

Turns out Jappi didn't go too.
Mummy went to work today so Papa spent the day with us.

He made us wash his car with him.

It was fun actually.

When he asked us to rest, we found ways to amuse ourselves;

Bell is taking a picture of herself.

She'll kill me in the morning!

Nan figured out the self timer button and insisted that we take pictures;

Our best faces.

Papa laughed so hard when he saw these pictures.

Siblings, they can be very hard to live with but even in their most stupid or annoying moments, they never fail to make my day.

I love you even though i scream and shout at you, when you sell me out and sometimes even bully.

I don't know why but sometimes i bend lower to take pictures with my sister.

Look at that Bell, I'm taller!

The weather today was very unexpected,

it rained heavily in the morning (it was so good to sleep!)

throughout the afternoon it cleared up.

Around evening, when the sun was setting,

it was such a beautiful sight.

It looked as if the sky was burning and it also looked like tie dye.

All those different colours in the sky were so pretty!

A very botak cookie.

Cookie always acts very differently when she's with Papa,

I always get jealous,

Don't be deceived by the way she looks,

she's very scary!

She just bit Bell a few days ago, the worst she's gotten!
A cat followed Mummy all the way up to our house.

She refused to leave!

When cookie saw the cat, she lost it!

She kept barking but when she saw Papa,

she cried.

She was upset that i was outside playing with the cat.

Bell and me had to escort the kitty cat downstairs.

At first, the cat just kept following us,

then we decided to play hide and seek with it.

We ran around the block, and when we went to the lifts,

the cat was at the other end!

We quickly made another run for it!

XOXO,

Your unexpectedness is scary yet it never fails to make me smile.

G'night!

2009-10-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 10th October 2009

2.47am, on my bed;

Everwhat;

Boringboring public relations.

Mu'meen is so cute! but he never come to me!

At least the kitten was responsive.

Went late to meet the guys.

I am so very sorry.

I really wished i could spend a little more time with you all.

It's been such a long time since we had a proper reunion and i really miss those days.

All together playing L4D.

I'll never understand them with their games.

Croissant! Johnson!

You used to be smaller than me!

And your hair obsession, even i don't fuss with my hair that much!

haha.

i miss you.

I cut my hair myself yesterday.

I stood in the toilet just looking at my hair, i don't know why i just picked up the scissors and snipped my hair off!

Nice?

I guess it turned out alright.

I wanted to surprise Elize but she couldn't wait,

made me put the phone down and when she called me back she was like

"I know what it is! You cut your bangs!"

Bloody spoiler,

i wonder who told her,

she won't tell me till Tuesday.

I thought you switched off your phone on purpose you know!

Alright,

my eyes are screaming.

XOXO,

While you are away, my heart comes undone, slowly unraveling.

2009-10-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 8th October 2009

3.26, on my bed;

blahblahhhhhh ;

Public Relations is very boring but i like the teacher.

I think he's so cute, like those old people kinda cute.

Today, the class was kinda disruptive, not so much concentration.

After school, we went to Little India again! Walked like mad!

Met Sanam's mother for the first time, she seems very nice!

I love to go to Little India, especially around this time (Deepavali).

The sights, the sounds, the colours, the lights and the hustle and bustle of it all, it's awesome! Had North Indian yet again, Alam introduced us to the restaurant, i forgot the name, Khansama? Khansana?

Whatever the name of the place was, the food was GOOD!

The Naan was just nice and the butter chicken was finger lickin' good!

This food talking is making my stomach growl!

We walked a lot more this time.

Got to take in more of it!

I am so tired. I switched on the lap top at 11-ish?

Wanted to start blogging but i went online and got distracted by two monkey's.

Ended up talking to them a whole lot, laughing and swearing!

JAJA and Dancing Mutton! HAHAHA!

Sometimes, you think you haven't crossed the line because you've already been there and done that with the person.

When you do something, you don't expect it might hurt them and the reaction you receive after that comes as a surprise.

What might have triggered it?

You end up thinking about it the whole day afters'.

You smile to show the world that you're alright but inside, it hurts.

Even with that simple acknowledgement you might think it's going to go back to normal, but it's going to be hard.

I'm going to have to be wary around you because i don't want to push it.

It's very childish but I'd rather stay on the safe side.

When you start a new chapter of your life, you have new sets of friends, lifestyles and habits. Trust, a simple word yet so very complex.

Who to trust? Who not too?

After what I've been witnessing in the new chapter of my life,

i find that trust is hard to come by.

It's only few people that you feel you can be yourself and share bits of your life with, but not entirely.

Whatever it is, not one will ever know how one really feels except for the person himself/herself.

GOODNIGHTXZXZ!

XOXO,

AHHH, YOU ARE SO SEXY! YOU LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE!

2009-10-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 7th October 2009
2.08am, on my bed.

My nose is killing me;

The heat is unbearable and my nose is dripping like a broken faucet.

School was random.

Laughed a lot.

Jasprit's got a new name; Kuldip Kaur.

Once again, almost everyone in class payed attention (this does not usually happen!),

notes were being written off the hook!

It was like the exam fever all over again.

Second term's not going to be friendly, the assignments and the final year project, urghh, not good.

I've yet to decide which module I'm going to choose for my final year project, yeah, i know, deadline's due on the 6th of November but i can't wait for the hallelujah moment right?!

Jappi and Daryl had some production meeting so while waiting for them in the canteen,

Jasmine was sharing about how fragile her life is (pretty damn bad if you knew the details)

and we were all looking at this uber sweet couple. It's better than any movie.

It's the most sweetest thing I've ever witnessed.

The guy's got a disability, so does the girl.

He walks with crutches and he's also got a helper that aids him,

and the lady's on a wheelchair.

The way they looked at each other was as if they saw God in each other.

They were even feeding each other! There was so much love and affection and it made me feel all soft and mushy.

Despite their disabilities, you could tell that what they have is real and true.

I know that i don't get to see these kinds off things happening but when i do, it makes me appreciate life.

Makes me realize that I've got a spoon fed life and that i should be grateful for what I've got.

I've gone all emotional now.

We had dinner at No.1 coffee shop! Meatball soup!

We created such a ruckus in the train, kept laughing at some people in our class. Fxza'a re-enactment of them was classic!

People kept staring at us laughing all over the place.

It was embarrassing but what a day!

Jasmine lent me a book, Angels & Demons.

Not something I'd normally read but it seems very interesting.

Showed the book to my dad, haha, he thinks Dan Brown's full of shit.

Im going to go through pictures of Nepal in Flickr.

Goodnight!

XOXO,

There's a black kitten in queenstown which we named Hitam. SO CUTE!

I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy.

OKAY, over and out!

2009-10-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 6th October 2009

Finally;

It's been a long time since i have blogged, i know! It's been a long time since I've done things that i love. Reading gets distracting, taking pictures are unlikely because i haven't even touched my Nikon camera in such a long time! Not even developed the black and white film! New term of school began last week Monday and the modules are semi alright. Advertising again! GRRR! Don't like that module, on top of that, my teacher's got a short tongue; " PLEASE SHIT DOWN CLASSH!" It's hard to concentrate in class because half the time, we're all making fun of him and there's so much laughter! And, he gave us the toughest assignment, he said this is the toughest he's given yet. How nice?! Lotsa things happened, I'll try put up pictures and little bits of information. It's 1.10pm now and school's in a few hours. I'm still not budging! I've got plates to wash, myself to wash! I'm going to go get ready now,

XOXO.

oh, the date and time on the damn blog is wrong, the one in my post is the right one!
and ignore the stupid everlasting quote thingy, i just like the skin!

2009-08-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

Friday, 28th August 2009

"Badump" "Badump"

We've been talking from different states
I've never laid my eyes on a boy this way
All this time I looked away
Over and over I kept playing it safe
Now this time I won't run away
We've never met on a one-night date

I know we'eve never met
Except on the internet
(Except on the internet)
I've got the camera by the bed
So is yours up yet?
Oh I know this is a fast and crazy connection
But you keep monopolizing all my attention
Even though we've never met
Oh I think I'm losin' it.

The glossy screen is taunting me
I look at you and it's where I wanna be...
All this time I looked away
Over and over I kept playing it safe
I'll just cope and find a way
As long as I know you'll always wait

I know we'eve never met
Except on the internet
(Except on the internet)
I've got the camera by the bed
So is yours up yet?
Oh I know this is a fast and crazy connection
But you keep monopolizing all my attention
Even though we've never met
Oh I think I'm losin' it.

Oh I never meant to fall this way
I've never laid my eyes on a boy this way

I know we'eve never met
Except on the internet
(Except on the internet)
I've got the camera by the bed
So is yours up yet?
Oh I know this is a fast and crazy connection
But you keep monopolizing all my attention
Even though we've never met
Oh I think I'm losin' it...

Losin' it by Fallbrooke

You yourself said, love can happen anywhere. I have fallen prey. Do you feel the same?

2009-08-07T09:38:00.000-07:00

Saturday,8th August 2009

I hope you crash and burn with your ride.

Asshole. MFer. I don't even think you've got balls, period. F you for leading me on. All this while, i thought it was me, i thought it was my fault or something. A little relief that i didn't do anything but now i know the reason. Such a girl for not telling me anything. You could have had the decency to tell me that you got over me and moved on with your past but no, what did you do? You left me dangling like a thread, i feel so redundant. I should have never gone against my better judgement. I knew from the beginning that its not going to be a good choice.I should have continued to ignore your online shenanigans but no, i decided to give you a chance and it was that one chance, that mistake, that blew up in my face. I thought you were different, like she said you would be (I'm not blaming you). I slowly let my guard down and felt that spark grow. You gave me all those reassurance and promises that i duped myself into believing. I really, really thought you were not like the rest, even willing to take it slow with me. I am also disappointed with myself for not being stronger like how i was before i made the choice to give you a shot. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED. Even though i never said anything, you were always on my mind. I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR WEAKNESS. You stupid asshole, do you even know how much you're affecting me? At least apologize you bastard. I know that it was over before it even started and it should be easier to heal but i am hurt. There are other issues that are killing me inside and this new blow has just added to my heart ache. I AM HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED OF MYSELF. And it's not normal. I have feelings just like any other human being. I AM NOT A TOY. You thought i didn't bother, i did. You're a ball-less bitch.

2009-07-12T01:05:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 12th July 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASPRIT!

2009-07-05T05:24:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 5th July 2009

The longing,

I want to say i don't care, but that's not true. Yeah, you're going to say "see! i knew it!", you know who you are. Only for certain things of course. My self-esteem is tugging at the hem, i don't like to feel the way i feel. It's not healthy. I feel like Eve, once she took a bite on the apple, she was awaken. I mean, i know how to diffrentiate from what's right and wrong. But what is right and wrong now? Seems like it's the norm when you're at this age. You're living behind a veil and everyone else goes through life as a matter of fact, "oh that! that's nothing what!". I know i'll get my chance, at the right time. Even YOU pick on me, you're suppose to make me feel better, suppose to lift my spirits up but all i get are HAHA's in my face, thanks Ma for denying it. Why am i like this? Why are things like that for me? It's all Me, Myself and I, i am being selfish when i know that there are people out there with bigger problems and here i am whinning about petty things. I really hate feeling like this. Feeling like shit.

2009-06-15T05:49:00.002-07:00

Sunday, 14th June 2009

Stuffed faces

We took our time, as usual. Tata told Papa to pick him up promptly at 1.30pm from commonwealth. Guess what, i only finished taking my shower at 1.30pm! hah! Tata was not all pleased with Papa's late arrival. So, Papa put the blame on us! Like what the hell! Yeah, so Tata scolded us, HAHA! We were the last to arrive, again, but this time, there was enough food to go around. Boy, did my relatives stuff us. We had no heart to say no so they piled our banana leaves with rice and other dishes and that was at about 3 plus so i told myself i am not going to eat dinner! No surprise, the men went down to the void decks to get alcohol down their systems. Some of my cousins weren't there, sadly, but i got to know more of my other cousins. I thought Kasturi was 17 and Priya was 14 but Kasturi was actually 14 and Priya was 12! I never even knew them. So everyone mingled and all. There's even going to be a family picnic in July! This wouldn't have happened if Tata's nephew hadn't passed away, i am not saying that it's good that he passed but really, his death has brought the family together. Papa had to send his aunt back to Bukit Batok and Tata also wanted to drink there too, haha, but turns out, his drinking 'kaki' was sleeping! So he had to be sent back. Mum insisted on going to the supermarket and it was already 9pm plus! Did some grocery shopping and and headed back to home sweet home.

2009-06-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

Friday, 12 June 2009

Topsy Turvy inside.

If this is what I've been hoping for,

I'll play it on the safe side till I get you,

I will get you, I am sure

As sure as this song will end.

I will hold your hand in mine

An echoed endless trend.

So we talk for hours and, awkward leave

To say goodbye without a kiss

Would be the end of me.

Someday, when we have gone too far

Not saying what our intentions are,

Someday when Im restless and through,

You'll look at me as if to say,

"Someday I will get you"

So when the streets have all gone bare,

And everyone is sleeping

Are you sleeping, wishing I was there?

Now listen-- are you listening?

I hate to love, what only a hero sings.

Anticipation is killing me when

Butterflies have knives, cutting up my insides.

Someday, when we have gone too far

Not saying what our intentions are,

Someday when I'm restless and through

You'll look at me as if to say...

Some days, I can hardly breathe,

I wonder if you're thinking of me.

A favorite corner to my room

I sit waiting patiently

For you too see what we could be,

To call-- just write.

Give me some sort of sign!

Someday, when we have gone too far

Not saying what our intentions are,

Someday when Im restless and through,

You'll look at me as if to say:

Someday, when we have gone too far

Not saying what our intentions are,

Someday when Im restless and through,

You'll look at me as if to say,

"Someday, I will get you."

2009-06-11T23:39:00.000-07:00

Friday, 12 June 2009

Boredom

It's a friday and it's oh so boring. East Coast was random and pissifying. I saw Ivan there, last person i expected to see! I want to go back to East Coast and roller blade or incline skating as Bell would call it, next week maybe? Anybody want to tag along? I still have not used finished the red scale film, only snapped like 5 pictures? I need an opportunity to use them. I want to concentrate more on Black and White photography, it's more dramatic. I want to upload the pictures here but NO SCANNER! What a bummer. Holiday's are really a bitch. I have not received my results yet. I am nervous as hell.

Sanam ji

He's happy now.

RANDOMness

Zebra swimming<3

bed head.

2009-06-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 7th June 2009

It's been a while..

Yes, i have indeed been LAZY. In case some of you don't know, I HAVE A HANDPHONE!! I know, like finally right?? Bella said that many of them are so used to me not having a phone yet and it's kinda weird. So, TATA's nephew passed away, in a way, it's kinda good that he passed. Call me mad but his death has brought the family together. My family is really big and i don't even know half of them. At least now i know my cousins better. And, the exams were over a while back. I cheated for the economics paper, like big time!! All the MCQ's were not my answers. Everybody was like turning and asking for answers! Jie Shi was sitting beside me, she helped me alot! We swapped question papers and she wrote the essay answers for me. I hope i pass, at least a D will do..Jappi invited me to go to her cousin's function at the Khalsa Club and it was awesome. I've never attended something like that before. All those rituals, very different. I especially loved the dancing!

JASPRIT

2009-05-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Thursday, 21st May 2009

Dang,

So this morning, i woke up late, yet again. I meant to wake up at 9.30am to study but i got up at 11.30am with a horrible dream. I dreamt of TATA and i pray whatever i dreamt of him will not come true, choy, touch wood. I was going to leave my house when Jappy said came later because Sanam and her had to do "business". When i got to lakeside, Jappy said Hamzah's bike had a problem again so we cab-ed to her house and it was so much faster then our usual walk. Sanam and her ex was there, when her ex left, Hamzah and Ruben came over and bought for us lunch, chicken rice. We all ate with our hands except Hamzah, who didn't eat. Again, not much studying. At least i finished two questions for APM, now i need to do four more questions, ROAR. We went down after a while and the two of them came back. Sanam went for a ride with them and when they came back, the four of us went to Woodlands. Half way through the high way, Ruben's bike had a problem, freaked me out. We stopped over at the shoulder for a bit and went to top up some oil at Chua Chu Kang. I was already so late and i was praying Papa was not home yet. HAHA, half way, Hamzah and Jappy lost track of us, they exited wrongly so we went to the stadium to wait for them. After that, he sent me near my block and it was already 9.50pm. If Papa ever saw me on the bike, I'm a goner for sure!! WOOOOO, i held his waist!!! It was so comfortable.

2009-05-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 20th May 2009

Not much studying.

NOOOOOOOOOOO! Exam's are just around the corner and here i am procrastinating. I wake up every morning with a haunting feeling and it eats me up inside, literally. It ring's in my head that exam's are nearing and i have not really studied except for the occasional note taking but that really does not count. I hope and i pray that I'll scrape through a pass, at least. I absolutely do not want to re module, actually, i can't afford too. It sound's stupid failing for economics and advertising and promotional studies. I got up early this morning and studied just a little bit for media studies, honestly, not much went through. After that, i got myself ready and went to meet Jappy over at her place to "study". We ended up talking and "sleeping" mostly. I am not proud of myself procrastinating but we just can't help it. We went downstairs before her mother and sister came back. We tried studying there but i just could not really concentrate. Maybe because of two distractions. Why not stay at home right? I don't' like staying home. Too many distractions, TV and computer, NONO. I have been trying to be home before 9pm nowadays. I'm so proud of myself, i am actually making an effort. I don't want Papa to get mad at me or maybe i want to be exceptionally good so i get incentives, hehe. I really want to go ok, it's just i am a little tight on cash. Pull me out if you guy's want, sorry. HOORAH FOR ELIZE!! I am so proud of you babe. You're finally going to begin with school. Adrenaline pumping? This is just the beggining, you know you have to stay positive and go through shit once in a while. I'll be here no matter what, i love you soooooo much, YIPPIE!!! Another good new? Seems like Jappy and me were selected to be RJ's and the rest got selected to be commitee memeber's. WOOOOOO, that means we'll train and all. Bah, why do you have to be so annoying? Keep invading my head! It's a big distraction you know! But still, i adore you. Alrightyy goodnight, angel's are by your side. Be safe love.

2009-05-17T03:33:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 17 May 2009

ROARRRRRRRRRRR

OH I WISH I HAD LOTSA MOOLAH!! I really want to shop till i drop. Clothes are just never enough for a girl/women. There's so many things i really want to get. I knew that tie dye would be the hottest new trend and whaddayaknow, it's in season, ROAR. Lots of BOLD COLOURS. I want, i want, i want. Anyone knows whether there will be any flea fairs in town? Tell me alright. My hair is healing!! I find that it's much straighter and healthier. New hairstyle perhaps?

Do you think it would match?

Exam's are just a week away and me being a very big procrastinator, have not really been studying. Only one question has been answered for APM. ECONOMICS is such a draggggg. I don't want to fail for it so i have to chin up and charge the mountain!! Nann's friends came over today. Some fairytale project they have to do and Bell is helping to write their script while the boys play their PSP's. Hmmm, Papa said something in passing while lecturing me for coming home late two days in a row, he said if i was going to do something, do it all the way. Papa think's i am smoking or something, WELL I'M NOT. I feel so explosive, suddenly, i don't know why. I'm like listening to stuff i dont normally listen to. Eyes set to kill is a really awesome band, so is underoath.

New school, new set of friends, does not mean i have forgotten. Everything seem's to have changed, i know. It's seem's awkward with certain people, the change, but i still get on perfectly fine with freinds i've know for more than 9 years and we're not even in the same school. What would i do without them, we can continue to talk to each other without feeling ackward or trying. With certain people it's hard, it's like within that period of time, we fall apart, then we try to talk, even though the name BFF ring's in our minds. We've got our own lives to live but love, don't forget me? I know i won't because you're such a big part of my life and don't for one second think you've been replaced. I'll try my best to make time and say you'll make time too? Don't get absent minded and forget the rest of them, you still ring in their minds as well. If you don't make the effort, you're to blame. The way you say stuff is as though i've got a whole new life and i have forgotten you. It's a different phase, yes, but you're a part of my past and who i've become.

He think's he's already got me. She think's i only like you because of the attention i get from you. Maybe, but why do i feel squirmish in a weird way? I want to hold you, kiss you, be with you but something's holding me back. It's great that you're not pushing me, that you've not tried to do anything with me. I am shocked. I know it's really slow. Hope you don't think i'm playing hard to get or something. It's just all weird for me. I was so comfortable with how i was, i was getting used to that feeling when suddenly, BAM, you came in the picture. Now you're always in my mind. It get's irritating when you just appear in them, in a good way. ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. Try being me.

2009-05-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 16 May 2009

AFTER SO LONG

Yes, i know, i have not been blogging for a looooooong time. This is inexcusable but i was lazy. I still am lazy but i want to blog, huh, don't make sense right? Never mind, well anyways, I went to meet the guys, that is to say, Qi yun, David, Naka, Jacob, Zhi sian. They look different somehow. Like Naka looks very anjadi, Zhi sian looks smart-ish, Jacob looks very matt, David looks like the lead from the arctic monkeys, Qi yun, hmmmm, more malay-ish, as in the way he talks. So, i bought the films from David. WOOOOOOOOO, red-scale and elite chrome 200. I have never used them both before and David DIY-ed the red-scale himself. I hope they turn out good. OHH, the expired black and white film i used for Pulau Ubin and school turn out good, surprisingly. I love it so much and it was my first attempt. We went to see the redbull X fighter or riders later on. They were so cool. I brought Bell along. MRT-ed home.

2009-04-22T05:44:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

No hard feelings.

I woke up early today because i had to redo my text. I think my essay's OK. Miss Hani was saying something about this event at Changi Airport. At first she asked us to think of two to three sentences of anything we want to talk about, like a small report. So i did mine on Homosexual Females. Turns out, i was shortlisted along with a few other students. I knew that Jasmine would get picked. And Ravi also got picked. That makes two Indians. She made us stand in front of the class and think of two questions to ask the director. I thought that the type of question i asked would get me qualified or something but she actually wanted to see how we presented ourselves. I stammered and all but she kept me there. Miss Hani was like struggling between Maria, Nurul, Vanjill and Me. She let me go because she already picked Jasmine and Ravi and also another Indian, she said she wanted to give the others a chance but she liked me. I could join the workshop if i wanted, she said and i really wanted to be in this workshop for experience and built my confidence because that's what i really lack. So tomorrow morning i shall join them. ECONOMICS TEST is tomorrow as well. I have not properly studied for it so, i off to stuhdeyyyyy......

2009-04-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

I see you

And I'm waiting to make my move

But I'm scared

And I know that you got

Better things to do

I'll touch your hand

And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve

It's cliche I know

But baby it's the price we pay

To get the things we've wanted

To get the things we've left behind

It's what you've wanted

What you needed

What you've always dreamt about

Don't take another step

And don't breathe another breath

Unless you're coming back to me

I'm trusting you

And I'm taking the long way home

I'm leaving

And it's not because of you

Will you just hold me tight

And never let me go?

I know this whole things wrong

But baby, we're invincible

If I could take these words

And fill them up with air

I'd fly you to the stars

So we can disappear

If I could take your heart

And keep it close to me

I swear it will not break

I swear it will not bleed

And IBelieve

Just anything you say

If you would tell me to get lost

I'd ask "how far away?"

And now it's getting late

And I can't keep my eyes open

But my hearts open for you

I'm trusting you

And I'm taking the long way home

I'm leaving

It's not because of you

Will you just hold me tight

And never let me go?

I know this whole things wrong

But baby, we're invincible
Will you just hold me tight

And never let me go?

I know this whole things wrong

But baby, we're invincible

2009-04-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

Friday, 17th April 2009

For the first time.

OMG la, Jasmine and me tried taking a puff today, it was purely experimental, nothing more, i swear! Jasmine was coughing after the puff, haha. It didn't really feel like anything to me, maybe because i didn't take it in all the way. Honestly, it felt really crappy, like burnt paper in your mouth. How do people stand it? I didn't like the after taste. HORRIBLE i tell you. I told bell, she was like very upset and disappointed in me. I'm a bit bummed that i didn't try it with Elize. Oh well, i can't take back what i did. Try everything once, at least.

2009-04-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

Thursday, 16th April 2009

TAROT

Farah read Tarot cards for me, it said that i do things quickly, i always leave people in suspense, i do manual things, i am a seducer ( i know right??, like how can i be a seducer?? ), i am mature for my age, i will depart somewhere, i am going to have a companion, i am going to be an entrepreneur in the future and i will have victory and power. Jasmine says that its very spot on, i don't quite believe in all this but i just tried it for fun. A few of the girls did the reading as well, i think maybe Jappy's one was quite spot on.

2009-04-15T05:57:00.001-07:00

Wednesday, 15th April 2009

Haven't started with the studying!

Almost a week has passed and i have not started with any studying! I don't know why i am procrastinating. Maybe because of the recent distractions. Guy stuff and all. I know that if i don't study, I'm definitely going to flunk economics and advertising, that's for sure. Oh Bianca! Get your priorities straight and stop getting distracted!! So anyways, school has been dreary, Boring modules and all. I have to admit that i have not been listening in class. I think that people in class don't really like miss hani but i think she's alright. She just like's to talk alot about herself but i find her class very interesting. I went home with Jasmine today and had a very intense talk. I enjoyed it though, nice to hear a different persons point of view. Thanks for helping me babe(:

Never had these kinds of attention before, it scares me. Why all of a sudden? I just want to be invisible. When i desperately want care and love, it doesn't show itself but just when i am having the time of my life, loving myself, they come running. And then, i'm torn. What should i do? Say yes? Break your heart? As sweet as you may seem, it's just what one would say to win someone over. Do you really mean what you say? Do you really think you love me? You don't know how much i control myself, i just want to hold you. But i'm going to fight myself to see how true all this will be. Give it time.

2009-04-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 12th April 2009

Family day out.

Papa has a new car, i love the gadgets in it. It's fully Japanese. The whole family went to Thompson to have lunch at Casuarina's. I had Murtabak! All by myself! Don't play play ok!

Nothing left on my plate!

After that we went along the Devil's Bend to Pierce Reservoir. There were so many monkey's on the roads. Monkey's were scratching their things! hahas! Pierce Reservoir is such a beautiful place to be.

The place felt very surreal to me. Peaceful and really nice. I'd love to go there again. After that, Mummy wanted to go to Widjaja, some furniture shop. We got lost in the end! driving around Kranji for God knows how long! Argh damn, tomorrow it's back to school again and Jappy wants to go early so we can discuss the project. Oh well, I'm off to bed. Let me fall asleep in peace!

2009-04-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 11th April 2009

Pulau Ubin

Woke up really early. Got ready to meet the guys at Cityhall MRT. I reached there at around 9.15? And i waited till 10 plus?? And they still haven't arrived. Thankfully, i saw Zhi Sian and he told me he has been waiting since 9am. Karma's a real bitch. Anyways, we boarded the train that they were coming from and train-ed to Tanah Merah. We took bus 2 to Changi bus interchange and had our lunch before we headed to Ubin. Aloy also came along, surprisingly. Oh yah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALOY! We ferry-ed over to Ubin.

From inside the ferry.

We rented 7 bicycles for seven of us, that is to say, Qi yun, David, Naka, Jacob, Aloy, Zhi Sian and me. Jacob didn't really know how to ride a bicycle so he was having lessons from Qi yun. I must say that he is a fast learner but i was very afraid to be behind him or in front of him. We were slow at first and made alot of pit stops. The first was at this Chinese old man's house. He claims that he sells herbs that cures cancer and Aloy wants to get them for his granny. We all bought drinks from the old man then we cycled to this park look alike. It had a really nice scenery.

We all look tired and sweaty.

We also went up to the tower in Chek Jawa. I felt like a smoker, i couldn't even ride up the slopes that much. It began to rain soon after, and we were back to the main part of the island. The few of them bought ponchos so that we could cycle in the rain.

odd one out.

When we were cycling in the rain, we looked like fat sumo's from the back. We only cycled for a while. My favourite part was going down the slopes. The thrill of it! I think it was around 5 or 6 plus that we finally left the island.

Our way back to main land.

Can you see Naka?

I LOVE PULAU UBIN!

2009-04-12T06:29:00.000-07:00

Friday, 10th April 2009

Good Friday

Bell and I followed Atteh and uncle Joshua to Church today. It has been a long time since i went back to that church. I saw lotsa familiar faces, some of them whom i played with as a child, now we don't even look at each other. The showed the video of how Jesus suffered and got crucified. That made me cry, just thinking how he suffered for the world, hmm. After church went to meet Jappy and Ruben. We had lunch at WestMall then went to Jurong Point to Catch Fast and Furious 4. The movie fast paced and i didn't quite liked the fact that Letty ( Michelle Rodriguez ) died. VIN DIESEL is HOT.

2009-04-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 5th April 2009

Lighter it seems.

Bell came over to Patti's house to take the camera and then she went to meet Tara. Atteh and Uncle Joshua came over later on. Helped Patti cook the Mee Goreng. It was good but i still did not have any appetite to eat so i sneaked and put the noodles on Atteh's plate, Haha. Uncle Joshua shared some word and prayed. It felt really good. I think i should go back to church. I feel really shit about things. I am so very distant from God these days. I mean he's the one that has been protecting me, given me a place in school and i haven't been grateful. Been shooting my mouth off with vulgarities, haven't been praying, acting like he doesn't exist. When Uncle Joshua was praying for me, God spoke through him, he said that he loves me, he brought me to this world for a purpose and he will do great things for me but i have to seek him, If i walk with him, i will not walk in darkness. I just felt so good. After the prayer, I cried and cried and I felt released. I really want to go back to God again, i know he is real but i ignore him. He has done wonders in my life but i have pushed him away. I really want to start afresh with Jesus.

Saturday, 4th April 2009

Not drunk.

We talked alot. Watched the Monster in law and DRANK but we didn't get that drunk like the last time OK! Had Malibu, Moscato and shots of Whiskey. Just needed to unwind ourselves. We stayed up till 5.30 talking. Woke up at 12? Then we went to Tiong Bahru to have breakfast/lunch. Elize headed to town and i went to Patti's house. Tata was sleeping as usual so i had the Television all to myself. I watched Disney channel, Cadet Kelly, when Hillary Duff was young and innocent looking. Tata kept forcing me to eat. I didn't have the appetite to eat, i think it was the drinks or something. I forced myself to eat anyways.

Friday, 3rd April 2009

1, 2, 3, 4 I 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID. The whole time i was talking to you online, i forgot to wish you till later.
Woke up early but ended up meeting Bella late. She told me that she cut her hair real short yesterday, came out of the bus and i got a SHOCK! She looked like a little innocent girl. Figured that the guys would be late at Westcoast so we went to have lunch at Dover market. The chicken rice turned out exceptionally nice. Went up to Johnson's house, he was shocked to see us. He was prissy that we came suddenly because he haven't prepared himself, HAHA, he is always the same. Johnson lied to me! He said his hamster does not bite, when i was playing with it, it licked me for awhile then it BIT ME! Met Damia downstairs and Qi Hui came on the bus. We went to Westcoast together. They bought Nasi Lemak before we went to the park. Poor David Ong, the rest of the guys left him at the pit while they went to David Gan's house to take the rest of the things. Played volleyball while waiting and i sucked at it. We took quite awhile to start the fire, no actually a really long while. I was surprised to see a few of them especially Kok Loong. Had a really good time. The food, the pictures, all of them that came, it was really good. I don't think David saw the cake coming. Hope you were surprised and had a good time. Smashed cake on David and we smelt like VOMIT!! So sick. Stayed at Westcoast till pretty late. The guys were going to have their own sleep over at David's house and Elize and me had our own sleep over at her place.

surprised to see muzzy

trifecta of races.

Naka!

Cliffy!

Dhuvad.

So unglam luh.

Don't ask.

No hard feelings.

Qi yun the man.

We smelt of puke after that.

He is having fun AH!

2009-03-31T07:59:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 31st March 2009

First Hurdle Jumped.

I set the alarm for 9.30a.m and i woke up at 10.45a.m!! I was supposed to be in school by 11a.m to meet Jappy and Jassy for some last minute studying. I rushed and got to school by 1 plus? I tried to get stuff in my head but i just couldn't. I was praying that the marketing and selling concept, BCG approach and the macroenvironment would come out. Thankfully they did. The MCQ was quite a mess. I did not study for the MCQ's but i think i should do alright with it. I was one of the last pupils to leave class. Jassy lost her EZ-link card with $40 inside. This is the second time she lost something in school. After school went to KFC with Jappy, Sanam and Mona. Had the 2 piece meal and i am still hungry!! Bus-ed back home. The next hurdle will be this Thursday. The Communication Skills exam should be alright, i hope, because i haven't studied for it but for me it's basically common sense.

"What are those lines??", "Aiyah, she wants to follow the rest of them!". Grabs my hand, Counts line's, " Why did you do it?", " Nothing, Nothing." On the verge of tears.

2009-03-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 22nd March 2009

TATA(:

Got up at 12.30pm! Straight away took my shower. Patti made the usual breakfast, Tuna, Eggs and Baked beans. Made myself coffee. Tata toasted bread and spread the butter on the bread for me! He put a whole load of butter on the bread and made sure i ate 4 slices! so stuffed! The next door neighbour, peeped into our window and said that there are police cars and an ambulance downstairs. Patti, being a KAPOH, immediately went to look. Turns out, someone was murded or so i think. That's what Patti said after she went down. Damn crazy. Tata wanted to go to Holland to shave his beard and fix his glasses and i decided that i should follow him because honestly, i worry that he'll get lost or fall or something. Held Tata whenever there was stairs or some sort of threat. Tata kept wanting to rest because he said his knees were pain. After he shaved his beard, Tata wanted to get a drink. I asked him what him what he wanted and he said he wanted YAKULT! So i also bought Yakult. We sat and drank YAKULT together. HAHA, i'd never think TATA would drink YAKULT. So cute! Even though Patti and Tata always bicker, he puts her first. He wanted to buy Mee Goreng at Queenstown because he said that was Patti's favourite. I think it was a sham. $6 for that noodles and a piece of chicken leg!! Tata said nevermind. Also wanted to get Kambeng Soup for Patti. By the time we came back, it was too late for me to go to Serangoon. So had dinner and took a train back home. Finally! I'm home!
Called Patti and made sure she followed Tata to holland again tomorrow.

2009-03-22T23:46:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 21st March 2009

Have you heard, have you heard?

Still staying over at Patti's house. It suddenly rained heavily out of no where! I think God was angry or something. It was so scary! Thunder and Lightning everywhere! I was flinching everytime the lightning striked or the thunder boomed. I looked outside the window and the tree's were swaying all over the place. Patti was so scared that she kept shouting at me to switch off the TV and close the door and switch off the fan! Listening to the sounds of the thunder was like listening to the universal pace. In a way, it was kind of peaceful. No one will understand how i feel. After that ordeal ended, i looked outside and guess what i saw? The sky was a beautiful pinkish colour. And as the sun slowly set, the colours were changing. So beautiful, i was taken away. I also saw a rainbow! Then i realized something. Remember the story of Noah's ark? When God flooded the earth? He put a rainbow at the end of it to show that he will never ever do something like that again? I think that's how it goes but the effects were very calming. I really wanted to go home today but Tata didn't want me to go so i stayed.

Can you see the rainbow? It's kind of faint but it's there.

Like Aurora's.

At the end of it all,

2009-03-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

Friday, 20th March 2009

Hushhh

I had no school today and Papa does not know. I left at the usual time and he gave me my money. I was thinking that since i have no school today, I'd go do my TOEFL's at the British Council. So i called Elize to tag along with me as she said she'd go with me earlier in the week. She said she was sleepy as she only slept at 8 in the morning and maybe we could go out in two weeks time. Hmphh, it's OK, i called Bella and she's babysitting her sister. I went online for awhile to see who can go out with me and i saw GRACE DAVID. I immediately asked her out and finally i have someone to tag along with me! I made it a point to reach MDIS on time, 2.20 Ok! Wait and wait for Grace and she did not arrive till 3.00pm by taxi! During the wait, met Kelly Ann and she told me some stuff. Girl's you should be ashamed of yourselfs! So late and you girls got to split groups. I also met Nurul and what's his name? They were telling me their plight as well. Grace and me took a bus to the British Council and i decided that i was too chicken to do the TOEFL's so we went to Tanglin Mall instead. We both bought corn dogs and is it that hard to find a stinking ATM?? Walked to Forum just to draw some cash and we wanted to go to Dempsy Road for some ice cream. We back all the way to Dempsy and got sorta lost because we could not find the Ben and Jerry's! We asked this guy and finally got directions to Ben and Jerry's. YEAH! Wah, i love that place! Decided on a Banana Split which we both shared. I love Grace, Even though we don't really meet up, We can catch up on each other. We can talk and talk without having an awkward air around us. So many things we do and talk about. I know it'll forever be that way. After that, we walked around, took pictures and it was time for grace to go back home. I decided to go visit Patti and Tata again. Met Bella and we talk and talk again. Stayed over at Patti's house.

Banana Split!

I look like a retard! Bianca, never eat ice cream before ahh!

Pure bliss on banana split!

oh, babe, so many thing's i've hidden from you. I wish it weren't this way. If only i could say but what will happen to those around me?

2009-03-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

Thursday, 19th March 2009

Dynamic and Fire

I reached school early and way before Jappy! I was helluva nervous for the presentation. Kept practising for the slides. I kept jamming and forgetting what i was supposed to say. Told Mr. Jailani that Jia Yi and Nien Ting wanted to be their own group, he was kinda pissed, HAHA, called her the girl who makes noise in class. The class was laughing along and Mr. J said that our presentation was dynamic and had fire. Jasmine was the one that made it funny. I thought that i brought it down but i guess it went well. Most of them dressed formally for the presentation. The most formal dressed group was the the group that was very nervous and i felt that they didn't do that well. We went to celebrate at SUBWAY! Jassy was feeling rich because her mum handed her ATM card to Jassy so she said we'll cab there instead of our usual walk. She also wanted to see the cute guy. He is not cute! Only his ridiculously cute accent. The guys behind the counter kept nudging and smiling at each other. This time i tried Meatball Marinara and the guy asked me if it was OK because he said it was beef. Maybe because i am Indian but i have no preference for food, not really. Those who know me know that I'll eat the one's that that they put aside. That just makes me sound like a pig. I think I'm becoming fatter. The first thing that comes to my mind in the morning is that i need to exercise. Really! I even did crunches and now my tummy hurts every time i try to laugh. Also, i am eating too much. I feel like a man. Love food too much that i can't resist it! OMG, I REALLY SOUND LIKE A BIG FAT GLUTTON! Anyways, Jassy said she is going to say bye to the Subway guys, and she did! When i looked back they were laughing. We walked back to school. I shouted at this Indian boy riding a bicycle. Called him a "MAMA". Can't believe i did that. Spotted this cute guy playing soccer with kids but Jappy said he was not cute, Jassy and me thought otherwise. I dared Jassy to wave at him and she did! We quickly walked away after that. Bussed back home and there was this pervert. Thank God i sat behind him but still didn't stop him from being a pervert. The perv kept looking back at me and stretching his arms backwards. I was feeling scared and i used my book to shield myself whenever he stretched.

I'm a disappointment. I'm selfish. You hate your marriage. You say you are going to die soon. The next morning, you act as if nothing happened. No idea how much pain you caused us. Pray that you wouldn't do anything stupid. I love you no matter what but there is still that barrier that needs to be broken. But how?

2009-03-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, 18th March 2009

Sunny Day

I wore the top i bought yesterday and struggled with the brooch. Arrived late as usual. Sorry girls and Jassy didn't wear the top! The video interview sucked and we really need a video! Hope that Jappy's friends help her. The video will be the final touch for our presentation. Mr. Simon Yeo finished the last chapter for Marketing already! And I'm still stuck on the 2nd chapter. I really need to use the study break and STUDY! Something is definitely wrong with some people. Oh well. After school, went to visit Patti. I totally surprised her. I crept in behind her and stood there for like a minute before she actually realized that i was there, HAHA, she thought i was a spirit! Met Bella while buying paper for Patti. We talked alot, caught up on stuff. I told her to come up and see Patti. The three of us were talking about ghost and spirits. Friggin' scared myself LA! Trained back home. Something's going on with Papa, keeps saying stuff that even i don't want happening to him. Now he's gone nuts on alcohol. Saying a whole load a BS. I hate it when your drunk. STOP IT!!!!

2009-03-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 17th March 2009

Uncertainties

It poured out of nowhere this morning! The weather was perfectly fine through out 3/4 of the bus journey. Just as the bus was along SMSS, It rained heavily! From inside the bus, i saw Jasprit standing in the rain, poor girl! I waited at the bus stop while she walked in the rain. She was soaking wet by the time she came by. We were thinking of how we were going to get to school when we saw Jie Shi with an umbrella! Jasprit ran to her and made her go back to the bus stop to get me. 3 girls under one puny umbrella! It was better than nothing. Jasprit's nose was giving her problems due to the rain. We decided to get some hot drinks. I got COFFEE! Class was pretty blah. As usual, we talked and laughed alot. Nien Ting hit me and coffee spilt on my book!

After class was done, we wanted to finish up our projects so we stayed in school for awhile. Seems like there was some differences about the work that was done. Jia Yi decided that she wanted to use the slides that she did and form a separate group from us. It's fine with our group members. But everybody seems to be doing stereotypes. We'll see how it fairs. I bought an Indian top that was selling in school for like $35 but i haggled for $10 lesser! YEAH! Jasmine bought a top too. That would be my second choice though. There was a fighting couple outside school. So interesting luh!

They wanted to go have Subway after we were done. We walked for like half an hour!? When we reached Subway, The cute guy was not working there so they decided to bolt and go to Cityhall! Less than 10 minutes and we were out of there. Bussed to Cityhall. I went to where David said he would be but he was not there. Called him and he said that they were already in SimLim because he said i wasn't there. Ok luh, i went there at 2.30? Sorry! I brisked walk back to Citylink and guessed who i saw?!? The winner of ANTM! She was from the cycle which the butch Kim was in. Went to Starbucks. Felt awkward, so we went to Burger King.

3 guys came and sat at the table behind us. Just as they were about to leave, i saw that they wrote something on the French Fries holder! I quickly alerted Jasmine and she took it. It said
" you're so cute. " He left his name and his number at the bottom. So cute la. Who would have thought about something like that? HAHA, we called the person and asked him which girl he was referring too and it turned out to be Jasprit! We also told them to come back to BK so we could give him an interview on our project. They came, we gave an interview and we ended up talking to them for quite awhile. The guy who asked Jass's number was a Eurasian by the name of Kegan. HA! Clearly obvious that Jass was only thinking of one person. The Darren guy didn't think that the interview was real but still gave it for free. Trained back home.
All this was luck i tell you! Because of the Black naped oriole that flew by from above me.

Beautiful, warm, golden goodness. Colours of a thousand dancing around. Comes 'Buria' out of nowhere, washing every trace of the warm, sunny sky. I love thee. Whoever's out there.

2009-03-16T07:05:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, 16th March 2009

BLUES

Got ready early to meet Jasprit but she said it was raining very heavily so we met later in school to "supposedly" study but we ended up talking. Sorry Jazz that i didn't sit near you guys, I wanted to concentrate you know! The pervets were wearing high waisted shorts, i am surprised they didn't get caught. Nien Ting, Kelly Ann and I all smelt like Bodyshop, HA! Vanjill was nice and she said hi, what do you know, they talk! Whatever girl, get a grip. Mr. Simon Yeo is behaving as if it were Secondary school. Don't do this, Don't do that. He is a funny old man! I can't really listen in school. I know i am way behind the chapters now. Bianca stop slacking and pick up the pace! I have one more week of lessons, then, it's our study week and our exam week. Fast right! While i have study week, My other friends are having their holidays! NO FAIR! Straight after school, i bussed back in a very packed bus.

CHIN UP AND CHARGE THE MOUNTAINS!
( i think that's it! )

I am going to start putting the dates at the top of the post cos' something's wrong with the blog.

2009-03-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

Damn it has been fast,

So Friday, i had my test. Met Jasprit early in school so we could study. We didn't tell the rest of the girls because we know with them around, we will never get stuff in out head. The two of us really studied and had an information OVERLOAD! I blanked out during the test! But i managed to answer the questions. After the test, resumed to class again. So boring, i didn't even listen to Simon Yeo. Vanjill talked to me! Whatever, it was like one question but enough to make the other girls talk. Seriously! This is not primary school ladies! After school, went to the Bodyshop Fair at Suntec with Kelly-Ann and Cindianna and bought two bottles of perfume oil. I got hit on my eyebrow! I tell you it was crazy! Everybody was being squished! Went home in a very crowded train.

Saturday
Met Isaac really late. I feel so bad because i told him that I'll be there at 4.30 but i went there at like 5?!! So anyways, We had sushi and ice cream. I had a good time. He paid for it all and refuse to let me pay. I wanted to go for Holi but i didn't go! Came back at 10 and Papa did not say anything! HAH!

Sunday
I was a pig. Watched TV and read and slugged.

You're a psychopath, don't do this she screams, do it, it comes out all bloody. Look at that, she's alright. Look inside, she's a wrack. All torn, all wrong. Sorry that you had to know me like this.

2009-03-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

gone by,

school has been whack. I need to sit down and study! Marketing is hard you know! and Simon Yeo is freakin' monotonous! Jasprit shouldn't see this, she'll get defensive.Before school, went to the Salvation Army to salvage but there was nothing to salvage so we bought books, $2 only ok! We, that is to say, Jasmine and me, went to Subway. Had my very first Subway Meal. Hard to believe? That does not mean i'm primitive. After school, Jasprit and me went to Anchor Point to go have more Subway, Crazy right? tried something new. The guy in Subway was hot. Although his accent was preety thick. Kept smiling over at our table. Met marilyn and dinesh. then buss-ed back home. I studied until 1am OK!!! damn tired.

2009-03-05T07:25:00.000-08:00

Feel F'ed up.

I feel shitty. I want to smile for real but i can't. It's all fake. I'm all a mess inside. Hurting a lot. My eyes feel like they're shrunken, the kind of feeling you get after you swim without goggles. School was : brainstorm on the assignment. We want to take videos but we need tattoo-ed and pierced people. I did not eat in school. I felt like fainting in the bus. My legs felt weak, felt like i was going to die. OK I'm exaggerating. But still i felt crappy. I am whining a lot. Maybe it's that time of the month again. Now that i am in MDIS, i think i am talking a lot like a friggin' twit. I'M SO NOT TWIT-ish. Goodnight. let the angels sing you to sleep.

2009-03-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Home sour home.

So you will never trust me. Think I'm screwing around. Well if I'm actually screwing around, I'd be pregnant with some stupid guy who'd say "that's not my baby". You want me to come home everyday after school and study to make sure your $5000 won't go to waste. So you won't care if i crack under pressure? One day papa, I'll erupt. Nothing i do is ever good enough. Some day, I'll do better than you in life. Then you'll tell me you're happy.

School was ok. I sat right in the front. Was hyper even though i felt like crying. So i understand Mr. Jailani's class better and i like his class. Makes me want to study different cultures. Marketing was absolutely boring. Moved to the back, couldn't risk Mr. Yeo asking me questions and i also wanted to eat. What do you know, didn't even concentrate in class. Kept talking and eating. I understand better if i read than the teacher teaching. So yeah, This group of people come in class ( their not from my class) keep talking and the Indian girl keeps staring at my table like some B*. Took a bus home.

Smear

The pain, diverts you to something else. I know why people do it now. Drastic but high. You see the life in you oozing out and you know, you know you're real. Pink parallel lines leave marks. Never thought I'd actually dare but the pain yesterday was unbearable and something needed to be done. She said that i look like i have the perfect family, close relationships with the family members and all. I told her it's just exterior. Everything is inside, safe and sound. It will come out eventually and it will cause pain to them. Cry and cry like there's no tomorrow.

2009-03-03T05:47:00.000-08:00

rain, rain go away.

I got stopped for wearing skirt today by the stupid security guard! So pissiffying! Waited for the Jass's to come and they sneaked me in through the front gate. What do you know? There are girls who are wearing shorts and skirts..After school, stayed back to "brainstorm" for our assignment. Timo and the deep voiced malay guy tagged along. We were laughing at friendster profiles in the library and Timo tried to sneak in his canned drink but failed because the guy caught him. Went to patti's house to eat breakfast at 1 something. Then went to meet David at citylink. Went to Brash Basah to get his stuff and came back to citylink to meet Qi yun. Walked around, had lunch, walked around, talked..Came home and tried to be cryptic about stuff.

what she said,

Paranoid you get at times. Hacking your brains for answers you know you'll never get if you ask. Oh those smiles! flinching, flinching. Another it may be, you, i want to devour. Look, i look away. You speak from a tongue i do not quite decipher all the more makes it a puzzle. The morning light and the evening light are not the same but both breath taking-ly beautiful.

2009-03-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

Blah Blah

So this past week has gone by alright. By that i mean school was okay but i don't really understand the marketing stuff but i enjoy the communication skills class. Mr. Jailani is a bit "soft" (if you know what i mean ;) but he makes me want to listen to him and not daydream so that's good. I've made new friends and we get along just fine.

2009-02-23T18:18:00.000-08:00

SCHOOL IS CRUEL

First day of school and I've attracted Punjabi people as my friends. The class is big and there's lotsa different people. We learnt marketing and i have to say that i'm a bit blurr. Oh crap, i hope i do ok in it. I shouldn't have sat in the back of the class! No hotties whatsoever! After school went to Patti's house but she didn't cook yet so Papa picked me up instead. Went to Al Ameen to eat dinner and papa sped all the way home.

2009-02-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

Weekend awayyy.

Sunday

Nothing much really, stayed over at Patti's house and help her prepare for Papa's so called B'Day dinner. First went to Tanglin Halt Market and so familiar faces. I really love going back there. Whenever i go back, I reminisce about the place. I remember the old market, It was like a blast in the past. the hawker stalls were old, the flooring was rough, the place smelled like the drains but it was nice. Now most of the stalls are gone and i only remember seeing the Laksa uncle and the Morning Beehoon auntie and the Otah Otah uncle. I bet there are more but that's all i recall. Even the market stalls, most of them were there. The old market was really a dark and dingy place. I remember when Patti needed to get Rumpah for the curry, she'd go to this Indian Muslim lady's stall and the lady and Patti would gossip whilst mixing the Rumpah. I loved watching her mix the different colours of spices together. Hai, I feel like a small girl again. I saw Boaz and Cliffy. As usual, Cliffy would say stuff about Yiting, Blah di Blah. Went back to Patti's house and help her to cook the Ayam Masah Merah. When they came, everybody feasted and watched TV for abit. Went back home in a cockroached infested van and Papa got slapped with a $50 fine!

Saturday

Elize wanted to go to the MDIS open house. I don't know why she goes there when she already feels torn but anyway she still wanted to go. Met her at Commonwealth MRT and saw Marilyn and her Bithcy friend of hers. It was raining :( but we still went. Bused there and we were late. But we still got the "goody bags", YEAH! lame la. Saw really sick people. Guys in colourful stockings?? Hello! what is wrong with this world? They were sissy and bitchy boys. Saw girls in sports bras. I think they were dancers. Went in for like 15 minutes and Elize was like can we go? There was nothing much to see anyways. I could tell, she was pretty upset. You don't think i do elize? We went to have a late lunch at the Queenstown Food Centre. I had no cash on me so i needed to draw but queenstown is an Uluated place. Elize payed first for the chicken rice. Then went to Patti's house thinking Bell was there but she left with Patti to church. So it was me and Tata sleeping. Raymond chittappa came and we watched TV. Saw this show called Ancient Ink and did you know that you can tattoo your eye balls?

2009-02-20T04:16:00.000-08:00

NANNN!

My brother made us pick him up from school for no reason. Mum and me were rushing because We woke up at 12.30? Wolfed our breakfast down. Didn't even have time to taste the coffee. Had a quick shower and put on clothes. I didn't even make my hair right and ma was nagging me To hurry up so i left with my hair soaking. We cabbed to Baker road. Eww, those ACS boys are Very immature. After that went to town and shopped again! Mum bought clothes i would never Wear and i bought a pair of shoes that mum thought was really sexy. I honestly thought they Were uggo. Nann was really pissed that we didn't get anything for him. Women, never bring a Male to shop with you. They are really from a different planet. So pacified him with a Oreo shake From Carl's Junior. PIG! Went home by train and there was a Anjadi, he bloody winked at me!
So sick! Finally reached Admiralty, Ma decided to do some groceries so Nann and me waited at The bus stop. We played all sorts of games you'd normally play in primary school. Nann kept Singing Check Yes Juliet but he tweaked the lyrics so they became like this, " Jack Ass Juliet". He also decided to sing some Banghra songs. It was so embarrassing.

Fictional.

Infatuation.
That feeling you feel, doesn't mean it's real.
I wish it were. You don't know but I'm here. I'm real. What i feel, it's burning inside, it's real or so I think but it's definitely there. Hurry up and start so i can forget you. Forget whatever Happened so i can start a new. Don't want to disrupt what's already subtle. Yeah, i think that Should happen. Get on with life you prune! Weird that i didn't give a damn about you from ago But oh, you're there, real like a heart beat. Gaddamitt!

2009-02-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

Airconnnnn!

Oh air conditioning! i hate you! i can't sleep with the air con switched on. My nose gets all weird And i toss and turn and think. Because of the air con, i ended up waking up at 12.30pm! Yeah, i know, Pig like. Then Brought cookie down for a walk. It was so lovely, the sky. Sharp sky blue against all the tree's And the blocks. Wished i had a camera there and then.Could have taken a picture of what God Created. So beautiful. Had mmhhmm coffee and murtabak for breakfast. I call it breakfast because that's my First meal. Then Ma made me sweep the whole house when she very well knew that i had to go meet Bella at 2.15pm. As usual, i arrive fashionably late. Haha :)

WOOHOO SHOPPING!!!

I met Bella at the school bus stop. Mikki and Renia were going to town as well so we went out to together. Had lunch at Far East. At the usual place. We really gossiped alot. Talked about stuff People won't really want to hear. Especially a boy. Oh well. I didn't really feel comfy with Mikki And Renia there when i was shopping. I felt like i was holding them down or something. So Bella and me Bluffed them off. Sounds childish right? Then we went back to shopp! I think i spent like $200 on clothes. And the best part? I don't regret. I need more! A girl can never have enough Clothes! Bella and me can shopp together without feeling weird about stuff. It's not the same With other people. Anyway took a train back home. When i stepped inside the train, guess who i Saw? Isaac! Ever met someone for like 15 minutes and find that you have so many things in Common? It's strange but Isaac and me had many common things.
Supper

Ma called and asked whether i had dinner. I said no, so she asked me to came down to 888 and it Was like 12.05am?!!? It was weird for me because i have never gone out that late. So made my way there and oh, we had Blood Cockles, Sambal Stingray, Kway Chap, Meatball Soup! Yummo!
It was the first time i ever enjoyed the cockles. I was so full.

2009-02-18T03:22:00.000-08:00

AT HOME.

The starting of school is creeping closer. This coming MONDAYYYYY! I'm nervous. It's going to Be an all new experience. I am so bored at home. I can't say it's the same everyday but i really Wished i did more. In the morning, after i get up, i make myself a cup of coffee and head to the Balcony to read. After Ma's cooked lunch, I eat and wait for Nan to come back home. When he's Home, i have to teach him. I really hate doing this. I know it's sort of my duty but i can't help it.
Today is Papa's birthday. He is 43. Old right? I think the age is really making him weird. Like he Thinks he's wiser or something. Still the same. I love you but wished you treated me more like a 17 year old not a 7 year old. I just collected pictures and boy are they goooood. Wish i could post Them but no scanner. I can't believe i had a dream of you! Of all the people in the world, It's got To be YOU! But it was nice. It would never happen in real life but hey, Atleast it was a dream.

Equals.

I don't understand this world. Who does? People only see the outside first before they see the Inside. Looks and skins, is that what makes a person? Most of what i've seen, People compare.
Know what it feels like to be told you are second to someone? It feels sad. It feels sad to know There's more to you but they don't see it. Well oh well.

Hmmm.
You're on my mind.

2009-02-13T00:44:00.000-08:00

say my mind.

Alright, I'm not going to kid myself. So many things i've kept to myself. So many things i feel but Don't know how to express myself. I keep thinking and thinking, creating stories and images in my head only to make me feel better about myself. I hurt but not as much. I don't want to be like those girls who give up on themselves all because they don't get what they want. I know i'm different. I don't get what i want but i dream. I dream enough to make my head hurt and at the end of the day i pray and ask God, Is it all worth the imagination? Will things ever come my way?

2009-02-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

Insomnia?
I can't seem to fall alseep. Patti says i think to much while i lie in bed. That's true but i cant help It. I wake up at the slightest of sounds and i can't fall back asleep. This has been happening for Quite a while. Damn, I really want to have a good sleep!
All day,
I think of alot of things,"when will i get my pay?", "what's there to eat?",
"what to take pictures off?", " do i have enough money?", just to name a few. Even when i read a Book, i trail away and daydream.
Orpheus Obsession.
I think i am having an orpheus obsession. I can't explain it. I think about orpheus. What Orpheus Does, think, feel, if orpheus thinks about me. It's too much. What makes me think of it More are Books, what i see on the streets. I want to fall but what if orpheus does not want to?
What if orpheus falls for eurydice? Too much and they pierce me like shards going through me.
But Nyx told me that im still young. People surpass all our beauty and think we are already Fallen for. And when our time comes, It will be magyckal. All heads will turn and wish their fate The same. But i told Nyx i can't wait for it to happen. I want it so bad it burns inside of me.

2009-02-09T07:19:00.001-08:00

Felt like blogging again.

Only because i just felt i needed to pen (in this case type) down stuff.
I don't know why i have been feeling down lately.
Especially when i don't eat, i get exceptionally grumpy.
PMS maybe?
From the time i last blogged till now,
Obviously there has been many things that has happened.
Just to mention a few(as to where i can remember),
-I got 5 points for N levels.
-Elize topped the N levels.
-I started working at Kinokuniya
-Elize went to the Philipine's, England, Spain.(I know right!!)
-Pretty much had a routined holiday.
-Prom happened.
-Got accepted in MDIS.
That's as far as i bothered to think.
When i worked at Kinokuniya,
I made new friends, experienced new things, read alot of books and i just felt like reading even More.
Crazy right?
And i felt things strumming together in my head that needed to be released.
I thought of writting but i knew i'd be too lazy,
So blogging again would be the next idea right?
That's why i decided to reopen my blog again.
There's another thing i feel passionate about.
Even though i am new at it and haven't really produced fantastic results,
I just keep wanting to do it more.
It's PHOTOGRAPHY!
David got me started and ever since,
I have been enthralled by it.
I want to get the DIANA with my pay,
But i don't know which to get.
Even the way i see things,
I make my eyes feel like they are the lenses of the camera.
It's weird, the feeling.
There are alot of things i want to say,
But now,
I really need to sleep.

2008-12-03T01:28:00.000-08:00

I AM NOT BLOGGING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

We walk for miles.

When to Patti's house then went to meet Elize and Ronald at Rideout Mac's. Had our meal and we chit chat for awhile. Then went to see the Florist at the back of the Mac's. Walked out and passed all those huge Houses. I am going to have a house like that some day just you wait and See. We walked like crazy and we didn't know where we were. Heard of Sweetenham Road? We walked untill it was night and guess where we Walked too? To Dempsey Road! That's where. Whenever the three of us Are together, we walk like crazy.

The whole Family.

I love it. The bustling activity. The cooking, the drinking, the talking, the Scolding. Had Patti's delicious chicken curry.

I can't believe it.

This is so coincidental. Just on Tuesday, Elize and i were talking about Mernal. Then the next day, My sister called me and told me that Mernal Had passed away. It was so jaw dropping. I felt so bad. I had a bad memory Of her. Especially those of you who know what i did and said about her. I Felt terrible. She had committed suicide. It was crazy. The news just kept Coming. Bella, Elize, Ronald and I went to her wake and i apologized for What i said and i told her that wherever she is, she is happy. This is the Second death in Fairfield in two years. Especially this recent death because The reputation for the school is spiraling down. Shit, I will never forget This. Wherever you are Mernal, Hope you are happy.

Death by Diarrhoea.Literally

Went to Muzzy's house for Raya and devoured the food. All went well until All of us got home. Everybody who went there had diarrhoea the next day!
It was so bad. Qi yun pooped ten times i think. Including me.

2008-09-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

Rift

I am really sorry but it's just that i don't know how to talk like we used to.
I want to be like how we used to be.
Secretly, I wished you called me and talk like how we used to talk.
Remember when you told me that the two of you talk every night and i Told you that i felt jealous? That was true. It's like i have the feeling of Being replaced you know? But it's totally understandable but just give me Some time to go back to normal. I seriously think that it has been a long Time since we have had a proper one to one girly chat. I missed that. There's so many things i have not told you and you are the one person i am
Dying to tell. But when i have the urge to tell you, i feel not worthy to talk To you so i hold back. Now what we have is so fake and even you know it.
I miss you and love you so much but i don't know how to react to all this.

The rush with studying.

Yesterday has to be the first time i actually sat down and studied all the Way. I feel that i shouldn't have wasted my time all those days that im Suppose to study and now im feeling scared.

I suppose.

You called. I was shocked. Didn't expect you would but hey, im happy.
I think it's thanks to you. All this time i haven't said anything was because
Im used to it. Im sure you know how i am. But i am elated that we are Talking back to normal. Ohh, the power of the blog! Everything i had to Say, it say it here. I couldn't say it with my mouth to you because i was just Blocked out. I know you were pretty bummed out when i told you that i Didn't know what to say. All the emotions were rolling and i didn't know What to say. Sorry. But im glad i got to say some stuff. Maybe i didn't want To say anything because i had enough of all the butt kissery. Yippie!

2008-09-23T07:04:00.000-07:00

Family time.

Sunday was family day.
Went to my nana's house because she cooked for everyone chicken curry.
The curry was so good i tell you. The flesh would just come off the bone easily. As a family, we laughed and told jokes to each other.
Tata i love you so much. Went home really late.

Monday

Volleyball and Taiti. That's what happened.

Tuesday

Today wasm our last day for school.
No more classrooms to go to.
No more walking by the corridors with the traffic of Fairsians.
No more recess.
No more fooling around.
Im going to miss everything that has to do with Fairfield.
We had our thanks givinng and it was BORING. Hannah's speech was so Uber long. And the guys spiked thier hair and made an entrance.
We went back to class and exchange our info and we took pictures. Lot's of
'em.

2008-09-20T08:36:00.001-07:00

Soori :)

Sorry that i haven't been filling in.
Prolly just lazy.
But let me fill you in now,

Last Saturday.

So last Saturday Grace's B'Day.
I thought i could not go so i lied to her and said that i was busy.
Later her dad called me and said he wanted me to come and he would talk To my dinosaur of a dad. I could go in the end.
Arrived fashionably late as usual.
Grace looked so glamorous. Vintage looking. Blue.
Saw my not so close cousins. Jason looked at me all weird and said Something i didn't catch. Even though Grace and my other friends Don't meet often, i know we still love each other. No matter where we left Off, we can still go back to how things were. I know i can always go back.
That's what i love about them. I miss the incesant chatter, the gossip and The bitching, the pakat-ness.

The rest of the week.

The rest of last week was the week i had the obsession for volleyball.
Playing and playing until my hands were sore and every morning when i Woke up, my whole body would be cramping. It supposed to hurt but i feel Good. I know im crazy but everytime i hit the ball, I hit it with all i've got. All the anger, sadness, the mixed feelings all released. I just need to play.
I guess i'll have to get my own ball soon. God! That fool is getting on my Nerves. Im happy that bella is finally hanging out with us. Oh, i miss you So. Went to Tiong Bahru and just talked with them and eat.

Missery loves company right?

I bet you saw it. I tried to control it. I feel distant. I already lost the one Person i knew i could call and and talk too. She has her own friends now And just the thought of calling her would be weird even though we started Hanging out these past few days. I'm already slipping. Putting on a smile to Let them know i'm alright even though inside i'm hurting so much i can cry A monsoon. Everyday the futher we fall apart, the further my heart breaks To know that we will part and the future is not certain. Whenever we have Crushes or BF's or GF's, It's totally normal for us to over react a bit right?
As in they are the only ones that are in our minds and we do stuff that Normally has them involved. It's not the first i have had friends who grow
Apart because of their BF or GF or crushes. I'm not saying anything but This is how it normally is but i don't know why i feel hurt. I still love Them but there is always a rift whenever these things happen. And i know that you have been trying to tell me how you feel and you want this to work Out and i know i have not been saying anything. I have to say im sorry but It's just that i dont know what to say. I don't know how to go back to Normal. When you started to say those stuff, i started to cry over the Phone. It was true what you said. I just feel lonely. I have to take back
What i said. I really thought that we would all be really close by the time The year ends but seems like slowly, one by one, we start to slip away.
I miss you but i don't know how to react to this so i prefer to keep a safe a
Distance untill everything seems to be ok.

2008-09-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

Come on, it's me you're talking to
There's something going on inside of you
Don't have to say it, but I wish you would
Cause it would be much easier
You always hide behind yourself
You walk a lonely road with no one's help
I hate to break the news
You're headed for a fall

And if I have to jump
Then I'll jump
And I won't look down
You can cry, you can fight, we can scream and shout
I'll push and pull
Until your walls come down
And you understand I'm gonna be around
I'm sticking with you

By The Handful.

Thank you. The two of you are gracious enough to say all those Compliments to me. I don't really receive them and it felt nice.

Wetwilly's And Nose Boogers

Thanks to ronald. Sick gooey stuff went on me. I still remember the Semakau incident. Ronald spat out of the boat and i was at the other end of Where he was standing, and it landed on me!!!
It was so gross.

So Called Lantern Fest Fun.

I brought my brother along. First we had dinner at Dover coffeeshop and Naka and Jacob broke their fast and wacked the food. Oh, Tze Fook. You Are so funny. He hugged my brother and said " Wah, you are so cute! " It Was hillarious. We went to the roof top garden. We played Taiti and i Must say Johnson is getting very good.

2008-09-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

I Wonder How They Can Tahan You.

Oh my, I got a U for maths.

So thanks for dumping the work on me.

First you dont want to help me then when you see the pissed look,

Act all helpful. If you dont want to do it, Why in the bloody first place do You volunteer? I really regret all getting hyped up for this. Thank you Everyone. We'll see how i pull it off.

Day Spent.

Went to the roof top garden. It was really nice. We played Tai ti till the sun Set. So remember to buy back something worth while when you are away Ok? I have to dream about wherever you guys are going instead of actually Being there.

Acting Cute.

Thank you Qi yun.

Woweee.

Incredible isn't it?

Lights.

Ohh.

2008-09-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

Pretty Chewed.

I went to school late. And my dad wrote the same excuse as always Whenever we are late.
Well, School is School.
Miss Midget caught Damia, Ronald and me during Fairsian Connect for Talking when she very well knew that the whole student body was Talking.
Like she's so short that we looked down on her while she shouted at us.
Shout and Shout. Made us wait for her while she finished her other Businness. But the lucky thing, We were suppossed to get 1 demerit but she
She said no point because we were going to graduate in a months time so She made us say sorry.

Damn Those Korean Shows.

I watched the Millionaire's First Love. OMG! It was so nice.
These damn korean show's always make me start a crying jag.
You can just cry and cry. But they are so nice. Another good korean show is
My Father ( I think that's what it's called. ) I was watching it with my dad Around and i had to cry in front of him.
Humilliating.

More books please!

I wished i lived in Borders or Kinokuniya.
Call me crazy but just falling into the fantasy world of the story is Wonderful. Haha! I know im crazy. I am going to finish the book i just Bought. I can go faster but i am pacing.
I want to buy moreeeeee.

2008-09-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

Different Treatment.

It's not fair papa. You are more strict with me but not with bella.
It's like, When i go out, You think i am going out with " some " people.
You are really unfair. Maybe that's why i am like that with you.
Don't blame me. I cannot be like bella. I don't want to grow up to be like You.

Day Out.

Went out with my classmate' to do the so called yearbook " thingy "
Supposed to propose a design for the page. Didn't turn out so good as all we Said was a bunch of crap and we called it a day of thinking.
Naka said the library was to quiet so we left for a louder place and left the Budding love birds to study. We went to the CityLink underpass. All the Future dancer's of Singapore dancing. I decided to go to Borders to utilise My Gift Card. I bought myself a book and a pen. The book is called CRANK. It's the first time i am reading something like modern poetry.

The Party That Get's Emotions Rolling.

It was auntie Lyra's Birthday party.
All my family friends were there.
Everything was going fine untill the Dad's had their share of alcohol.
And let's just say that the wive's weren't very happy.
Uncle Leon downed half a bottle of The Famous Grouse.
And he went hay-wire. He looked like he was going punch someone.
He kept saying to Everybody " don't you dare touch my wife! "
It was kind of embarrasing for everybody because of the alcohol.
But for the kids of course it was fun. The thrill of watching the adults
Make a fool of themselves was great. Without the alcohol, the act all
Parent-like. No doing this, No doing that. But as the alcohol was being Absorbed by the blood stream, None of them payed any attention to the

Us. The drinking, the smoking, the crude language. Miss Tara Sapphire Stewart. Hello?? He is over 30 and yet you openly flirt with him. Although i Got to agree that Rory is hot. Well ofcourse Uncle Leon was to drunk to Walk so my family had to escort their family back to their home. Ohh the Shame that was Written all over Auntie Lyra's face. This is what happens When family friends are bering reunited and and alcohol is being thrown In. It's starts of great and then it ends of being shameful.

The birthday girl. Auntie Lyra

Bella, Bianc, Tar, Julez. All grown up.

Nathan, me and Gino

Me and Gino

doesn't the cake look odd?

2008-09-05T04:19:00.000-07:00

Last night's supper parody

My father is crazy. He come's home from work at 12 something and then
Leaves again to buy food?
He then comes home semi drunk at 3 am with food and slamming on our Room door to come and eat. None of us wanted to get up but he forced us To. He said that he didn't have a good day at work and we'd better get up And eat to make him feel happy. Kuku right? So we had Carrot Cake with Cockles (ewww right?) And Sambal StingRay. He was telling us stories of Himself when he was young. So everybody in my family had a late night. We slept at 4 am.

What did i do?

Papa, i think that last night's alcohol is still getting to you.
My dad woke me up this morning before he left for work.
He kissed me and said, " Thank you for being such a good daughter. I love You. "
I love my papa but when he said that, i felt squirmish.
I dont even know what i did to deserve what he said.
So Papa think's im not good enough to use the Nikon Camera.
Papa say's that i need to learn how to hold it and know some other stuff.
Hello? Like, I just want to experiment with the camera not actually be a Professional photographer. He said he will go through the camera book With me after he gets back from work.

" Papa, What is a Sperm Cell? "

My brother was going through the human body encylopedia and chanced Upon the page about human reproduction. He ask my ma about it but my
Ma was like, Ask your papa. So my brother calls my papa and ask's him What are sperm cells. Then he says, " Papa, are they from the dick? "
My papa laughs and says " No, They are from the two egg rolls."
It was hillarious. My brother ask's him " Does everybody have them? "
My papa say's " Yes, They do. "

The change?

They don't seem to like that you've changed.
He seems to be upset that you are closer to us.
Don't frett. They don't understand you that's all.
He's jealous that you've got the attention of someone.
Friends, We get shit from them once in a while.
We will feel that we hate them sometime's but we know we
Love them.
Boo them.

2008-09-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

Surprise, Surprise

We had our N'level English Paper 1 & 2.
Paper 1 was easy enough but i can be too sure because what if the
Marker is strict? I just hope I pull through for that paper though.
Hmm, Paper 2.. Let's just say that it kept getting harder. I alomost did not
Understand the section with the mountain part. Mr. Ow never went through questions like that but I guess I can do it. The question I spent the Longest pondering on was the multiple choice questions. It was so Confusing for me. I had to keep checking. So five papers down already.
So, After the paper's, went to play tennis at Ronald's house. Tennis was quite a shame because the ball kept going everywhere. We only manage to get it right a few times but I still had fun. After the game, We sat at
Ronald's house stairwell and he brought out the "good's".
Jack Daniel's chocolate filled with whiskey and Absolut Mango Vodka.
The chocolate was nice but the filling was not palatable for me. Then what's The point of eating the chocolate's right? Haha, i dont know why as well.
And the vodka, It smelt so good but absolutely disgusting. I really dont like The taste of alcohol. It was hard to swallow the vodka. So we drank, Ate chocolate's and reminisced about the past.
As usual i was late when i met Dinesh. I was supposed to be there at
4 O'clock but i arrived at 4.20? At first i did not see him so i assumed he Punked out on me then he came and i was surprised.
He looked different. More smart looking. Maybe it's me, But he seemed Shorter. The both of us went to eat at Mac's. We had a good laugh. He kept
Making fun of me. He sent me to the interchange after we were done and Some how he looked at me funny when the bus arrived. All traces of being
Funny were gone and was replaced with seriousness. Weird for me i guess?

A start of a take-off

2008-09-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

A start of a take off.

Today was my third N'level paper and it was Tamil.
Honestly, I did not understand a thing that was being broadcasted.
I tikam-tikam shaded my answers. I feel bad that this will be my last year doing Tamil.
I sticked through Tamil for 9+ years. Hahaha!

So, Today was pretty blah. Although i had a good laugh with

Bella and Johnson in his house, Like old times.

When Bella and me went to the bus stop, She suddenly had to take a

crap. She was dancing around because she could not hold her shit in.

It was bloody hillarious. So went to Aldersgate Church. As usual she takes

A long time and boy, Did she stink the toilet up. HAHA!

All of sudden, It started to pour out of no where!

And the best part, No umbrella, I had to run in the rain and the timing

Was just right because my bus came but the driver won't open

The door for me. I stood there like an idiot in the rain. The driver showed

Some face and opened the door for me. Well, Here i am typing this post all

Dry and comfy. So much for the Take Off!

I miss you BellaFella(:

OH! Johnson's hamster dropped it's bombs on me. They say it's lucky but

Look how my day turned out.